Oh Great God, Be Small Enough To Hear Me Now

Posted by Naomi / at 12:42 PM / / 4 comments

A few days ago someone asked me, "Why did you choose to believe in God and Jesus?" What a good question for someone to ask.

My answer? I didn't choose Him; He chose me.

Somehow this great, awesome Being decided that He loved me enough to forget every bad thing I've ever done and love me just as I am. Me. Me who messes up, who makes mistakes, who is selfish, vain, angry, and bitter at times, who rejects His mercy and does things my own way, who forgets how very blessed I am and instead complains, who can't seem to be consistent. Me.

Where can I go to get away from God? There are times when I want to. I want to run as far as I can, hide as deep as I can, and ignore the ever present Love that can see me wherever I am, that runs down the road ahead of me to greet me when I think I've escaped.

I live in a country where I don't have to fear for my life because of my beliefs. I can openly read my Bible, worship, and speak about God and what He's done for me. I can fellowship with other like-minded people and learn from a pastor every Sunday. I can pray in secret or in public, for myself or for someone else. My money says, "In God We Trust."

So why do I take it all for granted? Why do I ignore this awesome God who is so available to me? Why do I treat my faith as an addition to my life instead of the core of my life?

We were driving in the mountains yesterday toward a little mountain town. The road was closed so we were forced to take a detour. I am rather grateful for the detour. It was the most spectacular drive I've personally ever driven. We were surrounded by mountains, on top of mountains, sandwiched by mountains. The air was cooler and thinner; literally breathtaking. I was overwhelmed by the vastness of the mountain range. They are so big! I was in awe that God could create something so grand. It made me think of the oceans, forests, and deserts I've seen. They are all so grand. I think that God created these grand examples to show us His very nature: He is grander and greater than we can ever imagine. His ways are so much higher than ours. How deep, how great is His love for us. There's a song by Matthew West, "More," that says:

Take a look at the mountains
Stretching a mile high
Take a look at the ocean
Far as your eye can see
And think of Me

Take a look at the desert
Do you feel like a grain of sand?
I am with you wherever
Where you go is where I am

And I'm always thinking of you
Take a look around you
I'm spelling it out one by one

I love you more than the sun
And the stars that I taught how to shine
You are mine, and you shine for me too
I love you yesterday and today
And tomorrow, I'll say it again and again
I love you more.

That song made so much sense to me yesterday. And yet it confused me more than ever. Here I am, a little insignificant person that God is inviting to spend eternity with Him. Why would He want ME? What is my value to Him?

And then it struck me.

I am His creation. He made me. And He wants to keep His creation near Him forever.

It's a little much for my mind to fathom. He's so big, I'm so small. But I'm so glad He chose me.

The next question asked of me was, "What if you believe all of this and then find out it's not real?"

My answer: "First of all, I do believe it's real, so I'm pretty sure I won't be disappointed. Secondly, it will have been worth it to have lived a life of peace, joy, and love, caught up in the grandness of the world."

Oh Great God, be small enough to hear me now. Make yourself real to me and to those who can't seem to find you. Your wonders speak of Your greatness. But Lord, be small enough to hear me now.

Click below for a wonderful song on the matter.
Small Enough

The Narrow Road

Posted by Naomi / at 2:21 AM / / 0 comments

I received a letter today from my dear friend Lydia in which she enclosed a quote that really struck me.

For many years we may have had love for God in general and never known Him. He is only known when love for Him takes on a personal character; when we meet Him in the pathway of life; when He becomes a person in contrast with our own; when we enter into conscious, vital, and personal relation with him, so that He is our Father and we His children; not merely one of His children, but His child in a special way, in a personal relation different from that of His other children, even the closest relation conceivable in heaven and on earth: He our Father, our Shepherd, our bosom friend, and our God. ~To Be Near Unto God by Abraham Kuyper

I envy Enoch. He walked with God so closely that one day God just took away to be with Him forever. Enoch never died. He experienced a one-on-one, completely personal walk with God. They were friends...bosom friends.

I want my walk with God to be that close. The truth is that so often I pile on the excuses as to why I can't spend time with Him. I say a grocery list prayer before I go to sleep and ask Him to keep His promise to "give His beloved sleep." I sing Christian songs with great gusto and fool myself into believing that that is a relationship while the thought "I should be spending time in His presence" lurks in the back of my head.

Why is it so hard to walk with God personally on that narrow road?

As Americans, I think we have this sense of entitlement to personal space. We schedule our time down to the last minute and are angry when someone encroaches upon it. We have this fear that if we are too open and intimate with someone they will betray us or let us down. Committing to something or someone is definitely an issue with which we struggle. This translates to our spiritual lives as well.

Trusting your future to God's provision is a rather scary thing. It's like the biggest blind date of your life. You don't know where He's going to take you, but you get to know Him along the way and inevitably fall in love. If one can get past one's fears of intimacy, commitment, and lack of control, the path can be one of satisfaction and delight. I think it's totally worth it.

So here's my challenge...for myself...for you:

Walk more. Take God's offered hand and walk with Him down a road that will lead you home. Spend more time soaking up His word. Learn His nature. Truly know Him the way He always intended us to know Him. If it means waking up 10 minutes earlier, watching one less sitcom, taking your lunch break outside with your Bible and a journal, or spending an hour on your face before Him, do it. Do whatever it takes to really know what it means to be a child of God. Learn to love Him even more.

You won't regret it.

When I Was Weak, Unable to Speak, Still I Would Call You By Name

Posted by Naomi / at 2:45 PM / / 2 comments

As an actress, I know what it's like to be melancholy. As much as I try to deny it, I get hit with bouts of sadness, loneliness, and feelings of worthlessness that seem paralyzing to all creative energies. I've learned how to come against it and drag myself up. The melancholy is usually due to a bad audition or worried thoughts about the future and are easily overcome by a boost of confidence, good audition, or the resolution to work harder and perform better.

But what about melancholy of the soul?

I find myself having a wonderful day when suddenly a thought crosses my mind that fills me with regret. A memory I've tried to repress pops up and condemns me with shame. A past decision creeps back to haunt me, paralyzing my confidence, demoralizing my heart, convincing me that my mistake can never be erased. I plunge from my mountain top to the depths of despair, melancholy festering beneath the surface of my forced smile.

Or possibly I wake up, lethargic and noncommittal, not really caring what happens today. I feel too drained to do anything productive. My spirit is not submerged in depression, but simply damp with the mist of melancholy.

Why is this? Why am I hit with hints of melancholy when I am usually so filled with joy? Why is it that the moment I relax my guard I am attacked?

You see, I believe that joy is a choice. God gives it to us freely, but we must choose to live and walk in joy. It's not always the easiest choice, especially when pity parties are so much fun, but it's a choice we need to make every day...sometimes every moment. When we are dragged down, rolling in the muck of our own misery, we must reach out a hand and choose joy. We must call out to the Giver of Joy and claim that which is rightfully ours. The joy of the Lord is our strength, the only strength we can use to climb out of our self-dug pits. Without joy, we have no strength and without strength, we can't do anything. I love how those two verses go together: "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me" and "The joy of the Lord is my strength." Joy is vital. Without joy we have nothing. We don't have the strength to push away regret, to lift our heads out from under shame, to shake off misery, or to exchange tears of sadness for shouts of praise.

It starts with a simple cry to the One who provides for us. In that moment of weakness, I cry out, whimper, sob, scream, or whatever I have the strength for, and beg for rescue. All I need is a little joy, all I ask for is a small portion, but God in His infinite goodness, opens heaven and rains down all the joy I could ask for. I am literally soaked with joy and overflowing, able to fight off the storm of melancholy that is drenched in the holy rain of joy. In my weakness, God has given me a voice, a voice that can call out and plead for redemption.

And He always answers.

Rain Down

Father, Forgive Me!

Posted by Naomi / at 2:12 PM / / 1 comments

Redemption.

It amazes me over and over again how God redeems our past, our present, and even our future. Why does He do that? I have been hurt enough in life to know that forgiveness is rarely easy. Yet this awesome Being, this holy Deity, regularly forgives millions of people every second for the hurt they've inflicted on Him. Only God.

My heart is heavy with the amount of times I've begged for forgiveness and cried out, "Father, forgive me!" I grieve, for I know how easy it is to receive that forgiveness and then fall right back into trap He rescued me from. But oh! how I rejoice that His forgiveness is unlimited.

He refreshes and renews me, and like a good friend, constantly encourages me, always pushing me to new heights. There were things in my heart, dreams I held tightly, that I was afraid were lost forever, but my Redeemer lives indeed and He has redeemed that which was stolen from me. Every last thing.

I don't have answers to nearly anything. I don't know what the future holds. I don't even know where I'm living a month from now. I have doubts, worries, anxieties, fears, and a million questions. I struggle with trusting God for the next piece of the puzzle.

But here's something God revealed to me today:

There's no box to the puzzle. You can't look at the picture and put it together because some of the pieces are interchangeable. They all go together but they can go together in different ways. Whichever way the puzzle ends up being completed is going to be a beautiful picture worth framing and hanging on the wall because God Himself has put each piece in place.

He is patiently putting each piece of my life together.

Father, forgive me for ever doubting You.

In the Beginning

Posted by Naomi / at 4:20 AM / / 1 comments

I am me. I am no one else but myself. I am human. And I am weak.

I know this to be true.

As Jo March says in Little Women, "I'm hopelessly flawed."

I am okay with this. It is in my weakness that I discover strength. Strength I never knew I had. Strength that doesn't come from me, but from somewhere else. Not quite the depths of my soul, for it is strength I could never dredge up on my own.

No. In my weakness, He is strong.

Who is "He"? The love of my life. The best friend I've ever had. My everything. "He" is God. "He" is my Father, my Lover, my Comforter. "He" is my reason for living.

For you see, I am weak. I fail. Consistently. But He redeems. Consistently.

These are my confessions. This is my heart.