"Hear my prayer, O Lord; let not my soul faint under thy discipline, nor let me faint in confessing unto thee thy mercies, whereby thou hast saved me from all my most wicked ways till thou shouldst become sweet to me beyond all the allurements that I used to follow. Let me come to love thee wholly, and grasp thy hand with my whole heart that thou mayest deliver me from every temptation, even unto the last. And thus, O Lord, my King and my God, may all things useful that I learned as a boy now be offered in thy service--let it be that for thy service I now speak and write and reckon. For when I was learning vain things, thou didst impose thy discipline upon me: and thou hast forgiven me my sin of delighting in those vanities. In those studies I learned many a useful word, but these might have been learned in matters not so vain; and surely that is the safe way for youths to walk in."~St. Augustine's Confessions

Longings

Posted by Naomi / at 2:07 PM / /

I have a longing to be beautiful. It really doesn't matter how many times I hear people say that I am...I don't always believe them. In fact, it's usually on the days that I feel I look great that I don't hear anything. That's unnerving.

Why do I waste my time wondering what other people think of me? And yet, most of the wasted time is worrying about what I think of me.

I have confidence. I know my assets. But I suppose what mars any outside beauty is my knowledge of inside ugliness. Just the longing for beauty...the vanity that rears its ugly head...is enough to destroy the image in the mirror.

So why this longing?

I am always attracted to beauty. Who isn't? God gave me a heart for beauty...in essence, a heart for Him because God is beauty.

I long to be beautiful because I long for complete purity of heart and soul. Perhaps until I see inside myself the woman Christ wants me to be I will not be able to appreciate what is outside.

This may be a backwards way to look at it, but then again, maybe focusing more on the inside than the outside is good.

 

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